Blogging A to Z April Challenge Day 4 - Divorce

I recently went through a bitter divorce. After many, many months of fighting and walking around on eggshells, hoping that telling Sawyer his dinner was ready (after I worked a twelve and a half hour shift, drove home, spent a few precious minutes with Colt, and cooked for all of us) wouldn't set him off on a screaming rampage, and just generally being miserable, Sawyer moved out at the end of last July. I took Colt over to visit him on my days off, sometimes staying and sometimes dropping him off to stay the day. I was not at a point where I felt I could trust Sawyer to keep our son over night safely.

Finally, I saw a lawyer and had divorce papers drawn up. After a little negotiation, Sawyer signed them and my lawyer filed them. Our divorce was final January 2, 2012.

After he first moved out, Colt cried every day that he wanted to see his Daddy. Then he slowly got used to seeing him once or twice a week. My very anxious child started to return to his happy self. It seems the constant fighting kept him on edge when Sawyer still lived with us. Gradually, Colt realized that people can get a little loud when they're happy, and not just when they're angry. My child had gotten to the point of trembling and crying any time anyone got a little too loud, even if it was obvious that they were having a good time and weren't fighting. No one could so much as hug me without him screaming, even though my ex didn't hit me or otherwise physically hurt me, especially in front of him.

Now, if it has been a while since he's seen his Daddy (especially if he has had to work all weekend and couldn't take him for an overnight visit) he'll cry that he misses him. Otherwise, he's fine. We try to call his Daddy and older brother each night before bedtime so he can talk to them for a few minutes and tell them he loves them.

I have been very careful to never talk about his Daddy in a negative way in front of him, and I don't allow anyone else to, either. Even though I don't love him anymore, he is still my child's father. I want them to have a good relationship, and I am not allowing anyone to undermine that. Thankfully, for now, he has kept his promise to act like a grown-up when he has our son.

I have full physical and legal custody of our son. According to our divorce papers, he only gets visitation as agreed upon between the two of us. Meaning, if I say he can't have him, there's nothing he can do about it. I didn't do this to keep my son away from his father. Any time Sawyer has asked to keep Colt, I have let him as long as there are no previous plans that involve him. I sometimes take the initiative and offer to let him keep him if I know Colt really wants to see him and he hasn't already asked.

I did this because my ex-husband has had alcohol abuse problems in the recent past. It was a major reason for our divorce. He drank every day. Sawyer knows that in order to keep our son for visits, he must remain absolutely, completely sober. If I ever truly suspect he has been intoxicated to any degree while he has Colt, the visits will stop. As long as he is a responsible father when he is caring for our child I will not keep them apart. I don't care how responsible (or not) he is when he is not taking care of Colt. It's none of my business, as long as our son is not with him. I have never used that clause of our divorce just to be vindictive or mean. It wouldn't be fair to my son. As a matter of fact, I haven't ever used this against my ex. He hasn't given me good reason to. I hope that trend continues. Colt loves his Daddy, and I would hate to have to keep them apart just to protect him and know he is safe.

Overall, the divorce has been a good thing for Colt. Truly, the only downside has been not having both his parents under the same roof. however, since we are both happier now, he generally is happier, too.

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Blogging from A to Z April Challenge Day 2 : Bedtime

Blogging From A to Z April Challenge

With a two year old in the house, some days I dread bedtime. I'm playing with my son, doing puzzles or playing with Play-Doh or some other super fun activity, and I don't want to have to end our fun together for him to go to bed.

Then, there are days where I can't wait for time to get ready for bed to roll around. He wouldn't take a nap that day, and he's tired and super cranky and he won't listen and he isn't being a very good boy and......

I try to keep our bedtime routine roughly the same each night. We pick up the toys and books scattered through the house and return them to his book table and toy boxes. (Yes, plural. My son has two toy boxes, plus a wagon we keep all his cars in, plus space in his closet for large toys like his sit-and-spin, lawnmowers, and ride-on toys.) We tell my boyfriend and anyone else in the house at the time goodnight. (My sister is currently renting our spare bedroom, and occasionally one of our friends is visiting at bedtime.) We pick the toys and books up in his bedroom floor and return them to their designated location. We go potty. We get pajamas and a diaper on (he is mostly potty trained, except for getting up in the middle of the night to go potty. He'll catch on soon enough.) We call his father and his big brother so he can tell them good night. We read two books. I arrange his bear, sock monkey (which wears a miniture miniature University of Alabama sweatshirt,'cause ROLL TIDE Y'ALL!), glow worm, Tad, and Spider Man in his bed. I tuck everyone under the covers (his Winnie-the-Pooh and Tigger blanket, and Lightening McQueen sleeping bag), give him a hug, kiss, Eskimo kiss, and tell him I love him. I check his closet for monsters one last time, turn out the light and shut his door.

See that pile of toys on his bed? Now add a stuffed Spider-Man (the super hero monster killer) that is almost as tall as him. In a Little Tikes crib-mattress-sized race car bed. It's a full house in there every night.

Then for the next hour or two, I constantly run him back to bed and tuck him back in every ten minutes.

What gives? He was going to bed fine, then all of a sudden he decided to act like a two-year-old when it comes to bedtime.

Like last night. Bed time routine? Check. Even let him keep his TV on (Cars 2 in the DVD player) while he went to sleep. An hour and a half later? Huge crash in his room, followed by Help-Me-I'm-REALLY-Hurt screams. I jump up off the couch and run to his room. He had hit his nose pretty badly, and it was swelled and scraped across the bridge. I thought he had fallen out of bed. I kissed it and put him back to bed after some snuggling and rocking to calm him down. Ten minutes later, when he started crying again, i went back. He said his head still hurt. I checked him for proper pupil dilation, gave him a dose of Tylenol, and put him back to bed. I checked on him twice before I went to sleep, just to make sure he was breathing OK and all that. This morning my boyfriend asked him what happened to his nose.his answer? "I 'bout fall down on toy box". He had gotten out of bed at eleven o'clock to get his guitar out of his toy box and play with it. And then promptly busted himself when he told us how he hurt himself. We laughed about him spilling the beans and let it go. I figured the bump on his nose was punishment enough for that one.

Sigh. At least I know where he is at ten o'clock every night. In another fourteen years I won't even know that much for sure some nights.

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Blogging From A to Z April Challenge, Day 1 - Anger

Today is the first day of April. I promised myself I would use the Blogging From A to Z April Challenge as a way to challenge myself to regularly update my blog. My writing for this challenge will focus on, you guessed it, parenting and other domestic things. The parenting side will generally pertain to life with a toddler, since that is my life's focus as of now (at least on the parenting end of things).

Today I choose the word ANGER. Not that I'm angry. You see, anyone who has raised a toddler will tell you that they have a way of knowing when you're already frustrated (trying to do too much at one time, almost burning dinner, have a lot on your to-do list, don't feel well.... the list of possible reasons goes on and on and on). It always seems my son will pick one of these times to throw a tantrum when I ask him to do (or not do) something. Or maybe this time he's asking me the same question thirty-seven times in a row, even though he already knew the answer before he asked the first time. (Side note: he does have a way of doing this that would be adorable if I wasn't already annoyed at something else. As he is asking his question his voice gets higher-pitched, making him sound like a pubescent boy. Sometimes I find it funny. Sometimes.) Or maybe he's just generally doing anything and everything he can to get attention, because he has to have my undivided attention and love at that very second or he'll spontaneously combust. (Not complaining about that one. I know all too well he'll be a "big boy" sooner than I'll ever be ready for him to decide that he is. I take all the snuggles and kisses I can get for now. It will end. And i will cry.)

So how do parents of toddlers keep from losing their cool, especially when it comes to their children?

I close my eyes, block out as much noise as I can, and take a few deep (sometimes really deeeeeeep) breaths.

Or I walk away for a moment, until I can regain my composure.

Or, if the tantrum is getting out of hand, I send my son to his room and make him remain there with his door closed until he gets himself under control. I stay just outside his door, in case he actually needs me, but I let him cry or scream or whatever he feels like doing. When he calms down, I pick him up and hug and kiss him, and tell him I love him. If I'm not in the middle of cooking dinner or something equally important, I sit down and spend some extra one-on-one time with him (usually reading. I'm trying to raise a reader, and he loves reading books together). If I can't stop what I'm doing, I try to find a way he can "help", so he feels we are doing something constructive together.

I don't always remember to do these things. Sometimes my temper does get the best of me. But I'm trying to remember to do these things when I get frustrated, especially with my son.

What do you do to cope when you feel your frustration rising?

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Back Again

I FINALLYhave my laptop set up. (Can anyone hear the chorus of Hallelujah in my head? Just me? Oh, well....)

I have set up a mini-office for the time being in our craft/hobby/work room. Just a table with laptop and monitor, but it's a start. This is just in time, as the Blogging from A to Z April Challenge is just a few days away.

I've spent most of the evening installing Google Chrome, updating virus software and installing all 72 Windows updates my computer needed (yup - you read that right - 72!). Granted my laptop hasn't been connected to the internet since May of last year.... I know, shocking, isn't it? For the most part since May 2011, I have used the internet at work, on my phone, or on my boyfriend's laptop since then, so it's not like I was in danger of dying from lack of connectivity completely cut off from the interwebs.

All this to say, I still have my lists of topics I had thought of back last September or so, when I stopped blogging (again). I have thought of a few new ones, also. I also have a new (to me, even though I've lived here since December 1) house to organize and decorate. I also have a TON of personal-life updating to do. So MAYBE I'll be here a little more often. I'm thinking maybe every morning between my son's breakfast and lunch, or maybe each afternoon during nap time, I'll sit down and write a few posts and schedule them. I set up a little area for the boy to watch DVDs and color and stuff while I work, since the boyfriend was napping on the couch today while I set my "office" up, and I wanted the little tyke to stay relatively quiet for a little while so Mommy could get all this set up.

Now if that child would just cooperate and STAY IN THE %$#@#$^%$ bed.... (He's currently behind me making faces in the mirror propped against the wall. I've already tucked him in twice.....)

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Thinking of doing a blog challenge for April

I was moderating a spam comment on my Blogger dashboard today, and happened to click on the "Blogs of Note" tab to see who was listed. Author Alex J. Cavanaugh was listed a few days ago, so I jumped over to check out his blog. Through his blog I found a link for the Blogging from A to Z April Challenge.

It looks really cool, something good to flex underused writing muscles. The premise is you blog on any topic you want every day in April except most Sundays, as long as the topics are in alphabetical order. Or post pictures, or video, or whatever. As long as the subject is in alphabetical order each day. Since April starts on a Sunday this year, you do have to blog that day, but all the other Sundays you get off the hook.

I'm seriously considering doing this. As long as I don't get too lazy or forget. I'm currently trying to come up with a list of topics for each day.

Who wants to join me? There is a list on the A to Z page where you can link up, as well as banners you can put on your blog. You know, for accountability.

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